From the bottom of my heart
by Ricky Otaku
Summary: Tokaku wanted to spend a good time with her girlfriend, but the nightmares that torment her are still lurking. ONE-SHOT.


**Hi there! Thanks to Fire lord 626 for the suggestion and ideas. I always felt like I need to write a fic about Tokaku and Haru, so there it is. I hope you will like it.**

 **ps: this fiction followed mainly the manga.**

* * *

It was a rather pleasant day today. The weather was warm yet not too much, and the breeze was comfortable. The perfect day for a picnic. This is what Tokaku had planned for her girlfriend. But first, there was something she needed to show her.

The two lovers left the Azuma's house for a walk. The house was now unoccupied and free to be used by them. This place didn't hold the brightest memories for Tokaku, but it was the closest place to say from what she wanted to show Haru. She didn't tell her girlfriend about that, she wanted it to be a surprise. So during their walk, she headed for the special place, where she wanted Haru to meet someone important to her. They venture into the forest until they reached a small shrine. Haru looked at Tokaku with an uncertain look, while Tokaku simply smiled.

"Haru, there's someone I want you to meet."

"Uh? Who?" her girlfriend replied, looking around.

"Just here. It's my mother. Haru, meet my mom. Mom, this is Haru, my...girlfriend."

It took a few seconds for Haru to fully process that, and a smile came to lighten her face.

"My name is Ichinose Haru, nice to meet you. I love your daughter with all my heart. I promise I'll do my best to make her happy."

Tokaku blushed lightly at this statement before she reported her attention to the shrine.

"I...I'm sorry, for forgetting about you for so long. I blocked you from my mind, but I know now...that you're in my heart. You have always been with me, protecting me. But I'm fine now. I have Haru. I'm happy with her. She's like...the sun of my life, always bringing light to me. I couldn't view my life without her, I want to spend my life by her side. Because there's no way I could be happier than with her."

This time, it was Haru who ended up blushing.

"So this is why you wanted us to visit your old house. You wanted me to meet your mom," Haru said softly.

"Not only her. There's also...my aunt. But unfortunately, due to the circumstances of her death, she doesn't have a grave. So I like to think that she's with my mother. I wanted you to meet both of them because...they were my family, and you are my family now."

Tokaku's voice had become shaky. She felt some pressure in her chest, an emotion she wasn't used to feel. Was it...sadness? Happiness? She couldn't tell. Suddenly, she felt something warm and soft gently took her hand. She turned her head and saw Haru, her hand on hers, kindly smiling at her. This sight alone was enough to ease Tokaku's trouble.

"Thank you, Haru, for being part of my life. Before you, I never really had a purpose, not from my own free will. Protecting you...was the first thing I decided on my own, and I ended up falling in love with you. I want you to continue being a part of my life. Meeting you was the best thing that could possibly happen to me."

"Tokaku…" Haru replied, moved. "Me too, I don't view my life without you. I love you so much and I'm glad we met."

Both continued to hold hands for a moment, lovingly looking at each other, happy. They were together now, and it was all that mattered.

"I'll just do a prayer and we could go picnic after," Tokaku eventually said.

"Take your time."

They let go of their hands and Tokaku turned to the shrine, joined her hands in respect and remained silent for a moment. She thought about how she would have like if her mother and aunt could have actually met Haru, and she felt a slight feeling of sadness over the fact it will never happen. But she also felt happy because she was with Haru now, she was finally living the kind of life her mother and aunt would have wanted for her, away from the assassin business. So she knew they would have been happy for her and Haru.

Tokaku smiled to herself, thinking about how much her life changed thanks to Haru, and how much she was happy to have her. She looked at the shrine one last time, before joining Haru, ready to spend some quality time with her girlfriend.

* * *

 _She witnessed everything, powerless, unable to do anything. Her grandmother approached them with a smile as she pulled out a knife. Her aunt instinctively went in front of her like she wanted to protect her. But it was useless, Tokaku wasn't the target of this attack. It was her aunt._

 _Tokaku saw everything, from the moment her grandmother approached them to when she sank the blade of her knife in her own daughter's stomach. It was the first time Tokaku witnessed the murder of a human being. The blood, the cry of pain. Her aunt collapsed on the ground, life slowly escaping her body. Tokaku didn't have the time to say goodbye that her grandmother grabbed her and took her away, leaving her aunt to her sad fate._

 _But then, something happened. Tokaku noticed that she was holding a gun in her hand. Quickly, she aimed at her grandmother. She wanted to kill her so much. Everything became dark and blurry around her, but she didn't care. She'll shoot her, it was her resolution._

 _So she pulled the trigger. But then, the scene changed. She wasn't in the forest anymore. It took her a moment to recognize where she was. It was Myojo's graveyard._

 _In front of her wasn't her grandmother anymore. Smiling softly despite the pain there was Haru. There was a blood line coming from her mouth. But it was nothing compared to the open wound on her chest. There was so much blood. Just like...when her aunt was murdered._

 _And just like her aunt, Haru collapsed to the ground, life slowly escaping her body._

" _No!"_

"Tokaku…!"

The blue haired girl opened her eyes. She was welcomed by the face of her beloved, who was looking at her with concern. She was pressing something to her face, a tissue. Tokaku didn't know why, until she realized that there was something wet on her cheeks.

"Haru…"

"You were crying in your sleep," Haru explained softly.

Tokaku sat back in her futon, still tormented by her dream.

"I had a nightmare," she said.

"Would you mind...telling me what it was?" Haru asked.

Her girlfriend continued to wipe her tears away. Tokaku felt uncomfortable, but she didn't want to hide something from Haru. She was the person she trusted the most and she deserved to know.

"It was...about my aunt. I dreamt about her death. She was killed in front of me by my grandmother. I was just a kid, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't protect her. I wanted to shoot my grandmother, but then...the scene changed. I...shot you instead. It's not only a dream, I actually tried to kill you. I...I'm so sorry...for shooting you. I shouldn't have!"

Tears rolled on Tokaku's cheeks once more. She felt so guilty. She loved Haru so much yet almost killed her. She tried to kill the girl she loved. She felt as bad as her grandmother who killed her own daughter. She felt so unworthy of Haru's love.

Suddenly, Haru hugged her. Her embrace felt so warm and comforting. Yet it wasn't enough to apease Tokaku's tormented heart.

"It's okay, Tokaku. I forgave you."

"But how could you? What I did...was unforgivable. I tried to kill you. I would have succeeded if it wasn't of your titanium ribs…"

"I'm also to blame in that. If I had told you sooner about the primer, it could have ended differently. I kept something as important a secret from you, you who was protecting me. I can't blame you to have reacted like that."

"There's nothing that can justify what I have done! It was stupid of me, of course you didn't use that power on me, I should have trusted you. But...falling in love with you what the first thing I did from my own free will, so to think that perhaps I had been manipulated...it was too much for me to handle. It's still not an excuse for what I have done."

Tokaku remembered that day. It felt like a part of her had broke. The thought of her love being fake had been unbearable to her. She was so desperate to prove that her love for Haru was real. In her state, all she could think of was doing something she couldn't do if she was truly manipulate. Killing her queen. But she knew she couldn't live with this burden, so she intended to take her own life if she killed Haru. Now that she thought about it, she felt ashamed of herself. It had been terribly selfish of her. She was supposed to be Haru's protector, to love her, and she let things ended up this way. Even if Haru had forgiven her, she couldn't forgive herself. Her nightmares will always remind her of the sin she committed.

She then noticed that Haru was looking at her with what appeared to be...guilt? Tokaku didn't understand why. Haru had nothing to blame herself for, it was all her fault.

"Tokaku...I'm sorry. My power...I may have used it on you. When you...tried to kill yourself, I felt so...frustrated. And afraid. I couldn't allow you to die. I love you so much, I didn't care back then if I died, but I wanted you to live. So...I actually tried to use the primer on you. To make you...my captive. I ordered you to throw away your weapons and serve me. So there's a chance...that you're under my control right now."

Strangely, Tokaku wasn't shocked by this reveal. She wasn't mad either. She felt like somehow, she deserved it. She tried to kill Haru because she thought she was under her control, it was only fair that in the end, it ended up being the case. Her torments were washed over by Haru's worries. She only wanted to comfort Haru, she felt protective of her, she didn't want her to feel bad for something she considered her fault.

"Haru...it's fine. I already know that my love for you is real. So it doesn't matter if I'm under your control now, because my heart already belongs to you. I already have sworn to protect you and be with you, so it doesn't matter if you commanded me those things, because it was my intentions from the start. At best it only reminded me of this."

Haru still seemed tormented. Tokaku managed to smile in a comforting way as she gently took Haru's hand in hers.

"And we don't know if your power truly worked, or if it's permanent. So there's no need to torment yourself over it. What matters is that we love each other and that we're together now, peaceful. We should not...let the past burden us, and just live in the present."

Much to Tokaku's surprise, a soft smile appeared on Haru's lips.

"Then it's the same for you. You shouldn't let your past as an assassin be a burden. This part of your life is over now. You need to forgive yourself, because I have. Whatever happened between us in the past, it only made our relationship stronger. I love you and I want to spend my life with you, and I don't want us to be sad. I want to be happy with you. We both did something we regret, and we both forgive what the others did. So I think it's fair is we also forgive ourselves. What do you think?"

Tokaku didn't have much to say to argue with that. It seemed fair. She didn't want to spend her life with Haru being sad. She wanted to be able to enjoy their life together, to be happy. And she knew it was also what her mother and aunt would have wanted for her.

"You're right. We both made mistakes, but we shouldn't let that get in the way of our happiness together. And my mom and aunt...would have wanted me to be happy. You know, I may have you bring you to the shrine, but...it's empty now. My mom is no longer in it. But I can still feel her presence, in my heart. She's watching over me, so I have to live the life she wanted for me. And this life, I can have it with you."

Haru smiled happily to that.

"I can feel my mom in my heart too. And her too, would have wanted me to be happy. And there's only with you that I can truly be happy. Because I love you so much, Tokaku."

"And I love you too, Haru," Tokaku replied, slightly blushing.

Haru slowly approached her, their face ended up so close, and their lips eventually touched. This kiss was enough to finally appease Tokaku's worries and made her think that perhaps she was allowed to be happy with Haru, to forgive herself. After all, both their mothers were watching over them, it was only fair to show them that both their daughters have found happiness together.

The kiss lasted for a moment, both enjoying the soft and warm contact with their lover. They then laid down in their futon, snuggling. With Haru in her arms, Tokaku sworn herself that she will always love and protect that girl and that she'll never doubt her feelings for her ever again. She then heard her girlfriend soft breathing and knew she had fallen asleep. Tokaku smiled to herself and closed her eyes, comforted by Haru's warm and breathing, and joined her in sleep.

And this time, she had no nightmares.

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 **Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!**


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